So over the last couple days I've gone from certain, to not so sure, and then back again. Its been a roller coaster of emotions. I don't know what I should do anymore, in all honesty. But is that a sign? I just don't know.
On the one hand, I feel like I know him...but on the other hand, I haven't known him very long, so how much could I possibly know about him?! My mind never rests anymore...it's impossible to sleep, because I am completely and utterly confused. I keep coming back to my family and friends, and what they will think...but how much should that matter? I know, to some extent, I need their approval. Afterall, they are a major major part of my life. I can't ignore their opinions.
But what about how I feel? How do I feel? Damnit, I'm so confused. This shouldn't be that dificult...maybe it is a sign, that it's simply not meant to be. I need some serious help...forreal. Will I regret either decision? Who knows. But my biggest fear is that if I say yes, I'll regret it...but at the same time, if I say no, I'll regret not taking a chance. I don't take any chances. Is now a good a time as any? Somebody just tell me what to do....
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Here's what I think.
This guy, who is eleven years older then you, do you think it's worth it? Eleven years is a long time, and you two are in completely different walks of life, you know? I know you probably hear a lot about this, but think, plenty of people his age are already settled down with children, and he's going to be ready to settle down probably long before you're ready. He's already gone through the trials and tribulations of being a teenager, a new adult, and so on. You have yet to go through any of that, and a lot of people who are older don't want to deal with the trivial problems that we think are so important.
If you're not sure about it, then it's probably not meant to be. When you're supposed to be with someone, you'll want to show them off to the world without a second thought. Let's say, hypothetically, you date him and you get serious. It would be so hard on you both, because your family would probably not approve, and neither would a lot of your friends. It's hard to just HANG OUT with someone that much older, and you would want him to spend time with you AND your friends, ya' know? There's just, so much that doesn't really seem like it's worth it, right?
I know you care about this guy, I can tell from your blogs, but I don't think from the sounds of it that you can really be IN love with him. I'm not trying to be on a high-horse, but you know that love comes from a true understanding of another person, and if you're doubting yourself, how in love can you really be?
Do you really think that being with this guy is worth losing the respect of your father, and the comfort of group hangouts with your friends, and a lot of the TIME that you would need in building a relationship and a life, this young?
That's just how I see it..
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